Fear, Uncertainty, Doubt

I grew up just in time to experience 9/11 as a child. I remember being a kid in school, having some classroom activity where we learned how to evaluate candidates and pick the one that makes the most sense to us. I proudly determined that I would vote for George W because what he said resonated with me the most.

I was nine years old.

A few short years later, and I would come to learn what it’s like to live in constant fear. We lived something like twenty miles from the towers; I remember visiting them not much earlier in life. It was kind of surreal, watching kids get pulled out of class, seeing the smoke across the river, watching my parents be constantly on edge that a plane might crash into our local park or something. I bet if it had happened more than just the one time, the American people would have a lot more empathy for the poor, terrified souls in Gaza. Free Palestine, by the way.

What I’m getting at is that this was my first exposure to fear-driven politics. Most of the country got swept up in a frenzy of “we’re gonna get the guys who did this, no matter the cost”, and suddenly declaring war was Good, it was Noble, it was Just. Perhaps more importantly, for people like me who spent their most formative years in the early noughts, it was Normal. We needed to be monitored to preserve our freedom. We needed boots on foreign soil to preserve our freedom. We needed to be afraid to preserve our freedom.

We all know now, with the benefit of hindsight, that many - most? - people regret being so bloodthirsty, sending our own kids to die for oil (that we rightfully earned and definitely did not take by killing the other kids), but it’s unfortunate there was no lesson to be learned there.

I’m not saying anything any millennial or late gen-xer doesn’t already know. What I don’t think we acknowledge often enough is just how fucking normal being afraid became. We had drills in school in case some terrorist came in to shoot up the place, and at least then we were worried it would be some big scary man in a mask and not one of our own classmates. We knew the government had to do a lot of not-so-great things because it was the only way we’d be safe.

It’s been more than twenty years. Do we feel safe yet? Republicans are constantly (and often incoherently) yelling about the Big Scary Things that are looming right around the corner, from the abstract debt ceilings that will bankrupt the American people to nonexistent migrant caravans coming to set Mexico’s criminals loose in the country. Trillions of dollars and thousands of lives spent just to lose the War on Terror so fucking badly that we became a vassal to it.

I don’t know if it’s really all that new, I wasn’t around for the countless earlier incidents in this country’s deeply rooted tendency to operate on fear; what I do know is that I get to live with new fear. The next four years are going to be an awful mess, full of brand-new manmade horrors and the rich getting richer and the already socially oppressed having more of their rights squandered.

I’m not going to let the fear win. I have the privilege of being a healthy, straight, cis, white man, and I’m not going to let that go to waste. I’m going to fight back against the pit of despair in my stomach, strive to be a safe person for everyone I can, and try to connect with more people.

It’s okay to feel fear. It’s normal, even appropriate. But don’t succumb to it. Don’t let it control you or dictate your actions. Live with intent, live to spite the people who want to see you hurt, and live knowing you’re not alone. Live knowing this is not the end.